tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3459178608294921310.post281039488859923623..comments2024-03-05T15:05:07.268-06:00Comments on A Beautiful Ruckus: How NOT "To Train Up a Child"The Ishum Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12206714813246556353noreply@blogger.comBlogger72125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3459178608294921310.post-43036124586302813742014-04-16T19:41:45.323-05:002014-04-16T19:41:45.323-05:00I would NEVER train any animal the way that book s...I would NEVER train any animal the way that book says you should a child!! Thank you for this overview I could force myself to read more than a chapter. This book should be banned!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3459178608294921310.post-78105300163351540712014-03-07T19:52:43.941-06:002014-03-07T19:52:43.941-06:00I pray that your eyes will be opened before it'...I pray that your eyes will be opened before it's too late for you and your marriage and your children.<br /><br />The Pearls' teachings are toxic. I have read many of their publications - "To Train Up a Child," "Created to Be His Help Meet," part of "Created to Need a Help Meet," & I subscribed to & read "No Greater Joy" for years. I have found no "good" in their teachings.<br /><br />Are you aware that children have DIED because their parents were following *exactly* what was taught in TTUAC?<br /><br />Love & prayers for you,<br /><br />MelindaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3459178608294921310.post-13223566077431214242014-03-07T19:45:07.058-06:002014-03-07T19:45:07.058-06:00Sadly, I followed the Pearls' teachings - kind...Sadly, I followed the Pearls' teachings - kind of - when my children were young. I was never able to be as hard-hearted and strict as I felt I *should* be, and now I'm SO glad! I deeply regret the "battle of the will" situations I'd get into with my toddlers. :(<br /><br />I'm parenting in a more understanding manner now, and my children are MUCH happier! Now they obey because they know WHY it's better (safer, more thoughtful of others, etc.) not because I MAKE them obey.<br /><br />-- Lisa JoyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3459178608294921310.post-91939367851945568532014-02-27T15:48:33.413-06:002014-02-27T15:48:33.413-06:00Like all books, I believe it's important to ta...Like all books, I believe it's important to take the good and leave the bad. Are The Pearls perfect? No. But they do not claim to be. <br /><br />All I know is that my marriage has significantly improved since I read 'Created to Be His Help-Meet.' I've only read the first few chapters of 'To Train Up a Child' and so far I have no complaints. <br /><br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3459178608294921310.post-47031839998934118912014-01-17T19:26:02.850-06:002014-01-17T19:26:02.850-06:00I read this book forever ago (I read your top 13 p...I read this book forever ago (I read your top 13 posts), and I knew I didn't agree with everything--but I'm a skimmer, so I just throw out what I don't agree with--and I laughed at a couple of things. As far as Barbie dolls go, I said I wasn't going to let my girls have them, but we got the barbie houses for free, so they now have dolls that we got at garage sales. But we sew our own Modest (ugly--but the kids like them) clothes if they don't have them. And my girls still don't know what sex is and they still think kissing is gross, so of course they don't do anything like that! (And my oldest is 11!)Tammy @ creativekkids.comhttp://creativekkids.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3459178608294921310.post-75386127050908696472013-11-19T12:37:56.918-06:002013-11-19T12:37:56.918-06:00We should all speak out against abuse, especially ...We should all speak out against abuse, especially when using God's name as justification. This is child abuse, and children are dying as a result. It makes me both incredibly sad and incredibly furious. My head and my heart tell me (clear as day) that their teachings are wrong. I don't understand how people can hurt their children. Using switches on babies?? Using belts and plumbing tubes on older children?? That is CHILD ABUSE. Sick. And if they disciplined my children in public, I don't know what I would do...I feel my anxiety level growing just thinking about it.Tinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17292285368243701125noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3459178608294921310.post-81649370706982552942013-11-19T12:26:59.317-06:002013-11-19T12:26:59.317-06:00It's all in interpretation. From your interpre...It's all in interpretation. From your interpretation, MrsAshley, it sounds as though you are able to practice restraint ("Rebecca also says that the Pearl’s encourage striking the kid 8-10 times. The book says 5-10 to be precise. For my toddler I start off soft, not wanting to hurt her, and continue a little harder each time until I can tell I have her attention."), however, many others are not able to use constraint, or they are interpreting the book very differently. Children are dying. Something about this book is not translating well to many parents, and they are turning to abuse. That's just sad. In my humble opinion, striking your children is wrong. Period. It hurts my heart. I could never hurt my children. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3459178608294921310.post-71298097461142770072013-07-31T09:34:18.806-05:002013-07-31T09:34:18.806-05:00As a researcher and developmentalist (one who stud...As a researcher and developmentalist (one who studies development across the lifespan), I was so shaken and taken aback when I read Pearl's book (and Ezzo's, as well), that I felt compelled to write a book that addresses the negative impacts on infant/child development associated with the "parenting advice" in these two books (To Train Up a Child; Babywise). <br /><br />I am a Bible-believing Mom who has raised four sons (who got more than one or two swats in their toddlerhood and childhood....and who today, as grown men, love and serve the Lord), and am now a grandmother. As I tell parents all the time, as parents we are equipped by a loving Heavenly Father with the only two parenting tools we need to successfully raise our children: 1) An innate love and sense of protection for our children (which Pearl and Ezzo encourage parents to ignore); 2) An innate knowing of what OUR children need. <br /><br />It is my sincerest prayer that today's parents rely on the only Source they need to successfully raise their children in a complicated, complex, godless society--the Holy Spirit. <br /><br />*Trust* your parenting instincts--they are God given! Dr. Kelly Welchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12394905124507490982noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3459178608294921310.post-79010839403398084472013-07-25T00:22:49.874-05:002013-07-25T00:22:49.874-05:00The previous poster is mistaken. They say the kids...The previous poster is mistaken. They say the kids are fine, the kids claim (in some places, not in others) they don't remember being hit, but if you read much of what they write, it's obvious that they are not even remotely fine or mentally healthy. Bluenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3459178608294921310.post-50567224336563920542013-07-20T22:16:21.965-05:002013-07-20T22:16:21.965-05:00Wow, Michelle. Such good points! I think you are s...Wow, Michelle. Such good points! I think you are spot on with all of this. It's nice to know I have a quad mom friend who feels the same way I do about it!<br /><br />(And Kez's comment makes me so sad too...*sigh*)Rebecca @ A Beautiful Ruckushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12545305649619190456noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3459178608294921310.post-35307679527818557332013-07-08T13:45:40.085-05:002013-07-08T13:45:40.085-05:00Rebecca,
I appreciate you speaking on this book i...Rebecca, <br />I appreciate you speaking on this book in such an honest and thorough way, with solid examples. As a parent to five boys I take my role quite seriously {researching, reading, and believing I always have something to learn as a parent}, yet I will never believe that making children feel shamed or guilty, especially when incredibly young and so impressionable is God’s way. I cannot even discuss the physical aspect. The parenting in this book breeds adults who lack self-esteem or the ability to do something because it is right, not out of fear. Children who are more concerned with pleasing people and not wanting to disappoint adults than following their path in Christ. I know because I was brought up with a lot of fear and thirty-six years later am still trying to undo it and change the trajectory and not be a fear-based parent for my children. I love when my boys do something for one another because they WANT to, because they UNDERSTAND it is right, and because it makes them FEEL GOOD. While reasonable and purposeful consequences are necessary they should be used to help our kids understand why something was wrong. When I see my child understand their misstep and what to do better next time I know the consequence was accurate, when I see their fear I know I was the one with the misstep. Following rules must be understood, but there is so much more to it. I am much better with books like The Ministry of Motherhood, Grace Based Parenting, and Love and Logic. Beating a person down to train them up is not in my opinion done in any accord with who Jesus is or what God asks of us as parents. We cannot break the most beautiful part of our children, their spirit. The bible references multiple times on how loving Jesus is toward children and how pure their spirits are in Christ. In this book, I wish parents could see the results of this type of "parenting", living in a dictatorship where the one in control is too drunk on their power and pride and parenting is not a partnership. Yes as some have argued his children may have turned out ok, but we honestly do not know at what expense and what the definition of "ok" is. That could take generations. Our children are gifts from God and we are to bring them up in His image. I want my children to become whom God intended for them to be, ultimately they are His not mine. Your statement about not regarding the feelings or emotions of the child, scares me most , as that is what the enemy would like us to do, to control our children, to instill fear and hatred of who they are, not to teach them how to be like Christ and have Him live in their hearts. I don't want to raise boys who do things out of fear, I want them to live their beautiful lives because of their full confidence in their Heavenly Father. My desire is not to control every aspect of my child, it is to act in self-control as a parent, as the bible calls us to do. <br /><br />{The comment from Kez above makes me so sad. That is exactly the danger, this book being taken as larger than the bible and much to literal to those following it).<br />Michelle@ourwonderfilledlife.comhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06427838151333552702noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3459178608294921310.post-2067081156908538872013-07-06T22:35:49.459-05:002013-07-06T22:35:49.459-05:00Bee, you put that perfectly. All we can do is pare...Bee, you put that perfectly. All we can do is parent them the best we can while praying for God's guidance every day.<br /><br />And I hear you on opinions that aren't based on research. That drives me nuts too!Rebecca @ A Beautiful Ruckushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12545305649619190456noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3459178608294921310.post-61549442477751074062013-07-06T22:34:18.053-05:002013-07-06T22:34:18.053-05:00I am happy to hear that the Pearl kids haven't...I am happy to hear that the Pearl kids haven't been negatively impacted by the parenting techniques used with them. I'm truly happy for them in that regard.<br /><br />However, there have been many documented stories of children hurt or killed because their parents followed this book. A lot of those children are now grown and speaking out about how much harm it did in their young lives.<br /><br />If that is not what the Pearl's want or meant, then they need to consider doing some serious editing of their book. While not all parents may go to the extremes of what they recommend in their books (it sounds like you are a well-grounded mom!), there are far too many who read the book and implement it literally.<br /><br />I do appreciate you weighing in though. It's important to hear both sides of the conversation.<br /><br />All the best,<br />RebeccaRebecca @ A Beautiful Ruckushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12545305649619190456noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3459178608294921310.post-42603839167002382522013-06-29T20:08:47.186-05:002013-06-29T20:08:47.186-05:00Thank you for sticking through and reading the ent...Thank you for sticking through and reading the entire book before posting your review. Too often I get opinions from people about books/movies/people/etc they did not research fully.<br /><br />I have to wonder if the author would be happy if his own father were to snap his fingers and expect him to sit on command.<br /><br />We cannot force our children into heaven, we can only teach them the best we can, love them the best we can, and pray for God to draw them into His love and grace.Beehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15031927389186468920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3459178608294921310.post-33846332905523098992013-06-28T21:53:52.303-05:002013-06-28T21:53:52.303-05:00The author's kids turned out great, happy, hea...The author's kids turned out great, happy, healthy, and normal. They're a family that grew up laughing together, telling jokes, and trusting each other in all patience and kindness. I think the reviewer of this book misunderstood what the authors' were explaining. Just ask any of they're five kids about spankings, and they can't even remember any. The book is train up a child, not spank up a child, and this very sentence is in the book: train up a child, do not spank up a child. I've used their methods on my first two kiddos, and they are great, helpful, happy, interesting kids...I was lazy on our last and third, and she's very stubborn, and almost got killed running out into the road more times than I can count. Using their methods makes for restful mothers, safe children, and confident families.The Kefir Mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07227335631550963001noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3459178608294921310.post-50685341718688516062013-06-05T22:17:12.894-05:002013-06-05T22:17:12.894-05:00Definitely crazy! With so many parenting styles an...Definitely crazy! With so many parenting styles and different family situations, I hesitate to point at any one and announce it's a "bad one." But in this case, I think I can safely say that people need to avoid the Pearl Parenting Method, and have absolutely no guilt about saying that.Rebecca @ A Beautiful Ruckushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12545305649619190456noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3459178608294921310.post-75526918397936107952013-06-05T22:15:44.670-05:002013-06-05T22:15:44.670-05:00Thank you for your very respectful post! While it ...Thank you for your very respectful post! While it didn't sway my opinion at all, I do appreciate having a polite conversation with other bloggers. I wish there was more of that in the blogsphere.<br /><br />All the best!Rebecca @ A Beautiful Ruckushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12545305649619190456noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3459178608294921310.post-14088040479194935512013-06-05T22:14:28.050-05:002013-06-05T22:14:28.050-05:00You are right, it is sad that this method is being...You are right, it is sad that this method is being passed down to the Pearl grandchildren now. A note inside the back of the book says that the kids ARE raising their children this way. I can only pray that some of those kids can break free.<br /><br />As far as listening to them speak...I think I'll pass on that. I watched an interview with Michael Pearl and felt nauseous. I imagine that urge would increase if I heard them in person.Rebecca @ A Beautiful Ruckushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12545305649619190456noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3459178608294921310.post-59259258518947715952013-06-05T22:12:21.548-05:002013-06-05T22:12:21.548-05:00Thanks for passing on the info, Marissa! I'm g...Thanks for passing on the info, Marissa! I'm glad that my article can possibly help other parents and protect children in the process.Rebecca @ A Beautiful Ruckushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12545305649619190456noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3459178608294921310.post-82581196303411584342013-06-05T22:11:30.174-05:002013-06-05T22:11:30.174-05:00Recovering Grace is a great website! Thanks for li...Recovering Grace is a great website! Thanks for linking that!Rebecca @ A Beautiful Ruckushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12545305649619190456noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3459178608294921310.post-37430026524036819742013-06-05T22:10:59.729-05:002013-06-05T22:10:59.729-05:00Well said!Well said!Rebecca @ A Beautiful Ruckushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12545305649619190456noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3459178608294921310.post-28859437618701060072013-06-05T22:08:21.619-05:002013-06-05T22:08:21.619-05:00Thank you! I'm certainly not bashing all disci...Thank you! I'm certainly not bashing all discipline techniques (within moderation and with restraint), being home schooled, or Christianity. It makes me sad that a book like this can put all of that in a horrible light and the rest of us reasonable parents along with it.Rebecca @ A Beautiful Ruckushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12545305649619190456noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3459178608294921310.post-82167767355778165592013-06-05T22:06:42.054-05:002013-06-05T22:06:42.054-05:00Oh goodness! I'm sorry that you experienced th...Oh goodness! I'm sorry that you experienced this as a child. I can only imagine the damage that you have had to work through. It's very sad that your parents are still giving away copies. I'm sure they are just trying to help others, but I'm sure you could have written this article yourself.Rebecca @ A Beautiful Ruckushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12545305649619190456noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3459178608294921310.post-43685211630039459492013-06-05T22:04:51.291-05:002013-06-05T22:04:51.291-05:00Indeed! Kids aren't animals!Indeed! Kids aren't animals!Rebecca @ A Beautiful Ruckushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12545305649619190456noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3459178608294921310.post-13816594396647680212013-06-05T22:03:57.037-05:002013-06-05T22:03:57.037-05:00From the Pearl's point of view, I can totally ...From the Pearl's point of view, I can totally follow your train of thought. Everything to them is black and white. I don't pretend to fully understand their logic, but that's as good an explanation as I think we are going to get!Rebecca @ A Beautiful Ruckushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12545305649619190456noreply@blogger.com