I am one very weary toddler mama these days. And I seem to find myself struggling with an increasing level of discouragement coupled with a strange panicky/overwhelmed feeling.
Don't get me wrong, being a Mama is everything I ever wanted to do. I wouldn't trade it for the moon, but I did NOT sign up for this version of motherhood.
Honestly, I just don't feel like I'm cutting it in the mama department.
And I don't feel like I was even given a fair chance of succeeding.
There is an impression that is given off in blogs, on FaceBook, and on the ever addicting, always perfect Pinterest website. An impression of the perfect, pulled together wife and mother.
Good grief. How do those insane mamas manage to raise kids, run a house, keep a husband happy, work, AND come up with those adorable, time-consuming projects?
It just about drives me insane. Because I can't do all of that.
If I'm playing with my kids, the bathrooms aren't clean.
If I'm cleaning my bathrooms, my kids are eating processed food three times a day.
If I'm baking muffins and bagels for my family, my kids are entertaining themselves with VeggieTales.
Nothing and no one is ever clean (because inevitably, someone poops as soon as I start a project).
And then I have these amazing ideas and projects staring back at me when all I want to do it veg in the evenings once the kids are in bed (note that I said "in bed." Not "asleep.")
I should start a garden to save us money.
I really should learn to sew so that I can make adorable pillow case dresses for my girls.
I really, really, should learn how to cook elaborate, whole foods based meals that my family will love, and of course, use coupons to keep our grocery bill at $10 a week.
I really, really, really should start a learning curriculum with my children so that by the age of two they know the entire alphabet, can count to 20, make all of the animal noises, identify their shapes and colors, and read three letter words.
Yeah. Right.
So I'm overwhelmed with life and all I should be doing and being. And I find myself all too often quietly comparing myself to all of these successful mamas who manage to do everything and raise these spectacular, smart, well-rounded children filled with homemade memories.
Where the heck does that leave me? And my intense little group of toddlers?
I have had some people say to me how "impressed" they are with everything I do. And quite honestly, that bugs me to a certain extent.
People, I DO NOT have life all together over here. Not even close.
And then I turn the tables.
From the outside, my blog kinda does make me look halfway pulled together, doesn't it? Do you know why?
Because right before I take a picture of a plate of bagels or something like that, I spend 15 minutes making a huge pile on one of the table of every random object you can imagine. Then I take about ten photos making sure my pile is just out of the camera frame and delete anything that shows crumbs. You know, the crumbs from dinner two nights ago.
Right before a visitor or my in-laws come over, I panic and either tell Sean to go wipe down the bathroom or I do. Oh, and sweep the stairs. And fold the kids' pajamas that are still strewn all over the living room. And wipe down those pesky counters! I even try to change out of the gym shorts and t-shirts that have become my daily uniform and slap some makeup on my face.
When I feel like I just don't cut it, I try to remind myself that all of those clever mamas only let me see what they want me to see....just like I only let you see what I want you to see.
Don't believe a word (or picture) of it!
Yeah, those projects are awesome and certainly worth it! But I think my kids will still have memories even if I don't make them pillow case dresses, or cook eggs on a hot sidewalk with them. (seriously, who wants to be outside if it's really hot enough to cook an egg?!)
You know what is enough though? God. Thank goodness, He can pick up the sorry slack that I create as a Mama.
As I sit here and realize that toddlerhood is a whole other ballgame, I also realize that I just simply do not have what it takes to mother them. My patience does have a limit, as does my energy.. All I can do is choose to do the things that I feel benefit my family the most, and let the others slide.
And when I feel tiny, unproductive, clueless, and completely overrun by children (literally!), it would serve me well to remember that God knows what my children need even when I can't be there to physically meet that need myself.
I do the best I can, but God makes up the difference.
Honestly, I forget far too often just how big God is and allow the discouragement to creep in. But in the moments that I do remember that I don't have to be everything for my children, that does take quite a bit of pressure off.
I am one very weary toddler mama these days. And I seem to find myself struggling with an increasing level of discouragement coupled with a strange panicky/overwhelmed feeling.
Don't get me wrong, being a Mama is everything I ever wanted to do. I wouldn't trade it for the moon, but I did NOT sign up for this version of motherhood.
Honestly, I just don't feel like I'm cutting it in the mama department.
And I don't feel like I was even given a fair chance of succeeding.
There is an impression that is given off in blogs, on FaceBook, and on the ever addicting, always perfect Pinterest website. An impression of the perfect, pulled together wife and mother.
Good grief. How do those insane mamas manage to raise kids, run a house, keep a husband happy, work, AND come up with those adorable, time-consuming projects?
It just about drives me insane. Because I can't do all of that.
If I'm playing with my kids, the bathrooms aren't clean.
If I'm cleaning my bathrooms, my kids are eating processed food three times a day.
If I'm baking muffins and bagels for my family, my kids are entertaining themselves with VeggieTales.
Nothing and no one is ever clean (because inevitably, someone poops as soon as I start a project).
And then I have these amazing ideas and projects staring back at me when all I want to do it veg in the evenings once the kids are in bed (note that I said "in bed." Not "asleep.")
I should start a garden to save us money.
I really should learn to sew so that I can make adorable pillow case dresses for my girls.
I really, really, should learn how to cook elaborate, whole foods based meals that my family will love, and of course, use coupons to keep our grocery bill at $10 a week.
I really, really, really should start a learning curriculum with my children so that by the age of two they know the entire alphabet, can count to 20, make all of the animal noises, identify their shapes and colors, and read three letter words.
Yeah. Right.
So I'm overwhelmed with life and all I should be doing and being. And I find myself all too often quietly comparing myself to all of these successful mamas who manage to do everything and raise these spectacular, smart, well-rounded children filled with homemade memories.
Where the heck does that leave me? And my intense little group of toddlers?
I have had some people say to me how "impressed" they are with everything I do. And quite honestly, that bugs me to a certain extent.
People, I DO NOT have life all together over here. Not even close.
And then I turn the tables.
From the outside, my blog kinda does make me look halfway pulled together, doesn't it? Do you know why?
Because right before I take a picture of a plate of bagels or something like that, I spend 15 minutes making a huge pile on one of the table of every random object you can imagine. Then I take about ten photos making sure my pile is just out of the camera frame and delete anything that shows crumbs. You know, the crumbs from dinner two nights ago.
Right before a visitor or my in-laws come over, I panic and either tell Sean to go wipe down the bathroom or I do. Oh, and sweep the stairs. And fold the kids' pajamas that are still strewn all over the living room. And wipe down those pesky counters! I even try to change out of the gym shorts and t-shirts that have become my daily uniform and slap some makeup on my face.
When I feel like I just don't cut it, I try to remind myself that all of those clever mamas only let me see what they want me to see....just like I only let you see what I want you to see.
Don't believe a word (or picture) of it!
Yeah, those projects are awesome and certainly worth it! But I think my kids will still have memories even if I don't make them pillow case dresses, or cook eggs on a hot sidewalk with them. (seriously, who wants to be outside if it's really hot enough to cook an egg?!)
You know what is enough though? God. Thank goodness, He can pick up the sorry slack that I create as a Mama.
As I sit here and realize that toddlerhood is a whole other ballgame, I also realize that I just simply do not have what it takes to mother them. My patience does have a limit, as does my energy.. All I can do is choose to do the things that I feel benefit my family the most, and let the others slide.
And when I feel tiny, unproductive, clueless, and completely overrun by children (literally!), it would serve me well to remember that God knows what my children need even when I can't be there to physically meet that need myself.
I do the best I can, but God makes up the difference.
Honestly, I forget far too often just how big God is and allow the discouragement to creep in. But in the moments that I do remember that I don't have to be everything for my children, that does take quite a bit of pressure off.
