Sunday, August 18, 2013

What's Wrong With My Head, Daddy?

All squeaky clean, I passed Ellie off to her Daddy. As we've always done, he took her over to the mirror so that she could see how clean and cute she was in her pajamas, with her hair freshly washed and dried.

We've done that since the beginning. We let the kids look in the mirror and talk about who they see looking back. They love grinning at themselves, and we always like to hold our baby-fresh toddlers before the next poop comes along.

But this time it was different.
Instead of the giggles and kisses that we've come to expect from Ellie when she looks in the mirror, her face suddenly creased with worry. She slowly lifted her hand up to her face and carefully touch the large red bump protruding from her forehead.

From where I was sitting on the bed, I saw the expression on her face and realized that she was trying not to cry.

"Sean?" I asked. "What's wrong with, Ellie? Why is she sad?" I already knew the answer, but I was hoping he would say that there was a different cause.

He looked over at me and quietly said, "She just found her hemangioma."

My heart sank. I thought we would have more time before she realized that she looks different from her siblings.

Sean tried to comfort her as it became apparent that she was very distressed about the way she looks. She repeatedly touched her head, trying to figure out what was wrong, "Oh Ellie, you're okay. You look beautiful. Don't worry about your head. You are beautiful to me, and I love you so much."
Granted, my emotions have been on high alert this week, but I fought back tears as I realized that her self-image was now suffering. You are only two-years-old, baby girl. I'm not ready for this next stage of parenting.

Sean took Ellie downstairs to play with her brothers and sister as I picked up our bath items. Sean came back upstairs and simply said, "My heart hurts."

As soon as I finished up, I went downstairs and picked Ellie up off of the couch so that she could snuggle into my arms. I didn't reference her hemangioma again, but I whispered in her ear, "Jesus thinks you are beautiful and special just the way He made you. And I do too, Ellie. I love you."

********
The dermatologist said that her hemangioma should fade by kindergarten, but I can't take her out of the house without someone (or several someones) offering me ice for her head or asking if she fell and hurt herself. I try to brush off the comments, but I worry that her self-consciousness will grow as she is now very aware that she has something on her face.

I talked to a nurse friend, and it sounds like it's time to request insist on intervention.

Meanwhile, I don't want to make a big issue out of it, but I don't want her to worry every time she sees herself or someone says something either. *sigh*

Parenting just got a little more difficult.

29 comments:

  1. Sweet girl! I hate how our outside appearances become so apparent at such a young age... sounds like you handled it beautifully!

    ReplyDelete
  2. my eyes are tearing up - she IS beautiful and I am sorry she had that experience tonight. I am grateful though that she is a smart cookie. They seem to go hand in hand - smart enough to realize there is a difference. Maybe you should start reading all of the kids that Max Lucado book and the Dr. Seuss book. (Stars upon Tharse ;-))http://www.amazon.com/Special-Board-Book-Lucados-Wemmicks/dp/1581342195 and i like this one too - http://www.amazon.com/Mine-Board-Book-Lucados-Wemmicks/dp/1581344295

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We have the Wemmicks movie! Maybe I need to pull it out and have her watch it again. And thanks for seeing her beauty too! :)

      Delete
  3. I'm tearing up, too. She's gorgeous and I hate that her little two-year old self has noticed and is concerned with her hemangioma. If only we could protect our children from themselves. =) You handled it so well and so lovingly. Poor baby girl.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Megan! I know, I want to protect her. I feel like she is too young to wrestle with image issues. :(

      Delete
  4. aww bless her little heart. Luckily she has a sweet mommy to help her through the discovery that she's different than others. (We're all a little different!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks :) And we definitely all have things that make us different. Some are just a little more visible than others.

      Delete
  5. She is beautiful! My oldest son had terrible eczema when he was younger to the point that it looked like he skidded down the driveway on his face. I remember one day at Target I had 4 or 5 people comment that mommy must not have wiped your face after lunch. I tried my best to smile and keep walking but by the last woman I had lost my patience and went off on her. you could tell it was not dried spaghetti and told her to mind her own business and brush her hair! Well needless to say that was not my most prized mommy moment but I went to the car and cried. Maybe it was Gods way of preparing me for triplets and all the questions and comments that came along with that. lol I know that Ellie will know how beautiful she is. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ugh, then you understand exactly what it's like when I go out with my Ellie. I want to protect her so much! But yes, I'm sure God has a reason for why He chose to give our kids visible differences. Who knows? It's exciting to think that our kids may one day help other kids who look a little different.

      Delete
  6. Aw, what a sweetie. It's hard to be different, even in a small way. But you guys are handling it SO well.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Aw! Poor girl! She's beautiful just the way she is!
    My little brother had one on his stomach. It took a few years, but it faded. 20 years later, all that remains of his is a little raised patch and to see it you have to know what to look for.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have heard that they fade, and hope that this one does soon! Just for Ellie's sake.

      Delete
  8. What a beautiful little girl inside and out. She's absolutely perfect in every way. She's so blessed to have such amazing parents. :) I truly enjoyed reading this post, it made me tear up and smile at the same time. My son has autism, even though it's not the same issue you're daughter is dealing with... I can understand the stares and concerns from others when you're out. You're doing a great job mom. *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Melly! It sounds like we have similar issues. Blessings to you as you parent your son!

      Delete
  9. *hug* I feel your mama heart. I can't relate exactly, of course, but I had a similar moment recently when Cora noticed that she's missing more teeth than her peers. I knew the day would come, but it still snuck up on me a bit. :( Since she's three, I answered her pretty matter of factly (the doctors had to take two out because they had ouchies, and the other two still have ouchies, but they are getting better) and waited to see if she needed more comfort that that. She didn't seem to, thankfully. My plan of action is to find a balance between sympathy and encouragement. I think it's ok if they know it't not "normal." I think they will see through any attempt to try and convince them that their particular differences are beautiful in and of themselves (because of course that is true - that we and God find them beautiful inside and out, WITH their differences, but it still remains that most of the world wouldn't classify their differences as beautiful, They would say they are beautiful in spite of their differences). I *think* at this point the healthier attitude is that yes, our bodies are all fallen and broken in different ways - some more noticeable than others - and it's ok not to like that part of yourself very much. Ok to grieve, you know? But one day, in perfection, God will make real beauty from those ashes. And we WILL have perfect bodies.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your thoughts, Anjanette. I can understand your point of view, but I think my two-year-old might be a little young to understand an explanation quite that detailed. We might stick with our answer until she gets a little older and asks more questions about it.

      Delete
  10. That made me tear up a little bit. She is such a beautiful little girl! You guys are awesome for the positive remarks you give her. she is lucky to have you as parents!

    ReplyDelete
  11. That made me tear up a little bit. She is such a beautiful little girl! You guys are awesome for the positive remarks you give her. she is lucky to have you as parents!

    ReplyDelete
  12. You did a great job of handling the situation. She's going to need some extra hugs and kisses and reassurance that everything is ok but I'm sure you've got that covered. She's beautiful no matter what and you've just got to make her believe it. She's 2 and they tend to accept things a lot easier than grown ups. Sending hugs your way from Madison & I.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aw, thanks! She is beautiful and precious, and we will keep telling her that!

      Delete
  13. Ugh...I would not have expected a two year old to worry about this either. Sydney has three hemangiomas. One on her forehead, one on her shoulder blade, and another on her right knee. The one on her head is partially covered by bangs, but she may too notice and be bothered by it in the future. It looks like Ellie's is getting lighter so I hope it does vanish soon. In the meantime, sounds like you are handling it well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Amber. We are hoping it fades as well. The doctors told us by kindergarten, but a lot of literature says by age 9. That seems like a really long time away.

      Delete
  14. Awe!! One of my friends Son had one in almost the same spot she took him to several doctors and finally one agreed to take it off. But his bleed every time you touched it :( prayers for you

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh no! I'm sorry to hear that; it sounds painful! I hope he is doing better now!

      Delete
  15. That time will be coming for me, too. My 14-month-old daughter has a huge hemangioma on her arm from hand all the way to the shoulder. I struggled this summer about whether I should always keep it covered up because it's shocking for others to see. But it's too hot, and I didn't want her to think we were ashamed of it (not that she would now, but later). Adults are always afraid to say anything, but kids always ask. I'm happy to tell them that it isn't contagious, it doesn't hurt her, and it will go away! You can see it in the pictures I posted today: http://ichoosejoy.org/2013/08/20/first-day-of-homeschool-pictures/
    --Gena

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I looked at your post, and you have a beautiful daughter as well! I think you made the right choice to let her wear summer clothes. Someone suggested that we put a hat on Ellie every time we go out, but I don't want her to think we are ashamed of it either. It sounds like we are both doing the best we can for our little girls.

      Delete

We would love to hear what you think! Please know that all comments are on a slight delay as we approve them on our end. Thanks for commenting!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...